Wired: Emotionally Connected

Through the progression of the coursework for the entrepreneurial psychology, a social media panel discussion, thoughts various branding pioneers as either authors or presenters has left, for me at least, the resounding fundemental message that social media throughout its various platforms boils down to a single consistency: emotional connections.

We have responsibilities throughout our lives, dependent upon the choices we make and the actions we take.  We choose to be doctors and lawyers, teachers and philospohers, or even crooks and criminals.  Even though there is disparity between vocations and personalities there are themes that inevitably connect us.  These signals and mechanisms are largely below the surface and it is these measures that  govern our interactions and found our connectionsof as human beings that.  Honesty, integrity, responsibility, reliability, trust – these we can all value.

As a member of society we have an inherent responsibility to others, and more specifically we have a contractual responsibility when developing relationships.  The values that we nurture and encourage first in our selves, then in others dictates the quality of our shared value.  It is with those five key components in mind that we can define our character and ultimately change the proverbial status quo of a society that now finds itself on the far side of a moral decadence, and back pedalling with the influx of business ethics.

Unfortunately, with the current paradigm based on results and financial gain the solution is overall a band-aid.  The true change will take place on a very personal and individual level and will result in a gradual cultural shift where the ends no longer justify the means; rather the ends are a measure of the quality of the means.

It is with this in mind that I believe in making a social investment when developing relationships.  That active interest and investment is the key to establishing a shared understanding based on honesty, integrity, reliability, responsibility, and trust – an environment in which positive emotional connections can prosper.

For you, old friend.

In looking back at my life I have found that there are a few cues that I would like to offer my younger self if ever the opportunity should arise.  That knowledge would look a little something like this:

Dear Alex,

It’s me, that is I’m you.  I am just a little older, a little wiser, a little closer, and a little better looking (so stop worrying, we age well.)

Well we are almost done, it may have taken longer than we would have liked but let’s face it you just weren’t ready to move forward.  There are just a few things in life that are worth working for, and more importantly doing right.  On the back-end that means you will understand frustration, you will know suffering, you will bend so far you think you have to break; these are the facts of your life.  That being said, all is not doom and gloom, first of all you endure in true Hemingway fashion. (I told you it was me, who else would equate you to Hemingway, let alone immediately follow it up with a big I told you so.)

Right now you are working through an Entrepreneurial Psychology course, yes it is a mouthful and no it is not as bad as you think.  It is not “selling yourself”.  It, in a very practical way, is defining your value and in turn defining  and conveying it in such a way that others understand that value.

As part of the self-assessment that this management class has caused me to undergo, I have had to take a step back and reassess the principles and ideals that are guiding and governing our actions on a daily basis.  It all brings me back to this quote from Adam Michnik:

Start doing the things you think should be done, and start being what you think society should become. Do you believe in free speech? Then speak freely. Do you love the truth? Then tell it. Do you believe in an open society? Then act in the open. Do you believe in a decent and humane society? Then behave decently and humanely.

This is your center and you will find it.  It takes you time (a lot so be patient) but you get here.  The benefit of reaching this through trial and tribulation is that it is no longer just words, you understand.

There is no easy path.  Endure.  Give it time.  Aim high and follow through.  Don’t cut your hair so much, you like it long. Accept people for who they are, not who you want them to be. Endure. Look for the good in everything. Stay involved. You will learn the value of F.I.D.O. Work smarter, harder, and better than the other guy, you know who I’m talking about.  Find your drive.Keep hope close.  And always be ready.

Honestly, you don’t have a long way to go. But the road you want, the road I took, it is hard.  You will work through it, at times you will look back with longing and rack your brain going over again and again trying to determine if there was a better way, if you should have gone left rather than stay right.  There wasn’t.  I am the voice of experience.  Knowing now what we didn’t know then, there was no other possibility.  You need every little tiny step and misstep that got you to me.  It is immeasurably worth every single experience both good and bad.  They shape you and you are thankful. That being said cherish everything and be thankful.

p.s. Lay off the junk food and soda, no it is not a health issue but it is ridiculous.  You should really consider taking people’s advice when they tell you to go into Radio.

I choose you.

My previous blogs have been about actions, this is much more direct: the eventual consequence of  integrity, honesty,  reliability, responsibility.  Unfortunately, infinitely more rare and complex.  In a world where it is always about “what’s in it for me?” how can you honestly trust someone?  Unless it is that you trust them to act in a certain way because they will achieve a specific result. well that simply is not trust; it’s conditioning.  Gone are the days when someone still held to the principle “my word is my bond” let alone anyone who is ready or willing to accept such a claim.  Selfishness is all to prevalent for that idea to resurface, yet.

It is impossible for trust to exist unless both parties reciprocate that trust, it is much too genuine a concept for anything less unacceptable. It can neither thrive nor nourish under such conditions.   The only aspect that I have absolute control over are the actions and choices that I undertake, that being the case I choose to make the first step I will always opt for trusting when mistrusting would have been just as easy.  The only stipulation I make is that I will trust unreservedly up and to the point that I am let down by an undeserving recipient.  The overwhelming majority of relationships I develop genuinely  surprise me, I am very cynical individual but when given the opportunity and being trusted with that opportunity significantly more often than not, their efforts to live up to that trust are exponential in relative value and we are all better for it.

As part of my work I feel it necessary for those people, that I am assisting to trust that I am working with their best interest in mind.  As we mentioned in class regarding the templates for saying no tactfully, there are certain situations where unfortunately there is no other possible answer.  For me where trust plays the biggest role is that when these situations arise and the only course of action is a hard no, they understand by my actions and my role that every possible avenue that had a ‘yes’,  ’maybe’, ‘what if we try’, or a ‘how about this’ was summarily exhausted and for one reason or another was not a viable option.  Trust allows for understanding and from there it is a very quick jump to acceptance.  That is the value of trust and without it I would be a shadow of who I really am.

Not only do I choose to trust, I choose you.

Responsibility: A conscious commitment.

“ALWAYS assume full responsibility for your performance and never make excuses or appear angry or disinterested.” a small excerpt from Bret L. Simmons and his contribution to the student branding blog regarding a much more broad topic of the how and  why to impress your instructors in addition to some reasonable steps to achieve  those results.  Responsibility is being answerable or accountable, as for something within one’s power, control, or management. (Dictionary.com/responsible)

Today I became the gracious recipient of a form of social responsibility, unbeknownst to me I had left my wallet on a table after class and was none the wiser.  A fellow classmate, who had no external  mechanism, or social system to “do the right thing”  however he took it upon himself, through an internal mechanism and subsequently informed me of my negligence.  So, Jason, I thank you both for the assistance in keeping my wallet exactly where it does me the most good; but also in a much more meaningful and fundamental way for reaching out and expanding your realm, and being answerable for something that you made a conscious choice to bring within your power to control and influence.

The underlying assumption that I have about life is those that have the means, so too do they have a responsibility in the representation and management in the application of those means.  As a very personal example, my best friend and I began coursework at the university at the same I had, as a result of, my mother’s due diligence applied literally every other day for this scholarship or that scholarship.  By the time things were said and done, and it BEINGtime to pay the tuition piper I had overflow for my living arrangements off-campus.  Well, there was an issue with my friend’s scholarship and through no fault of his own, the powers that be were no longer able to honor the pledge and he would not have continued his formal education.  I have a somewhat overdeveloped sense of responsibility but my proudest moment to date was providing that opportunity for him.

We didn’t start the fire.

Reliability is the matter of being dependable in achievement (dictionary.com/reliable).  Professionally reliability is the easiest attitude I have, and it is simply that an attitude, a choice, a conscious decision to accept the consequences of any relationship.  Those consequences, for good or ill, I gladly accept.  On a personal level, it is the cost of doing business I am in the business of service, solutions, and resolution.  My value is that I believe in work, which is derived from my motivation to perform as well as I can, as often as I can and as rapidly as I can regardless of the potential for reward or recognition.

One of the single most important aspects of this Entrepreneurial Psychology course that I have re-embraced is consistency.  I fully appreciate the elegance of a consistent message, method, and identity.  Consistency is the basis of reliability.  When I am assisting a member for work I will resolve a situation to my satisfaction which is designed to exceed the expectations of those people I am helping.  Reliability for these situations boils down to a formula and it always starts with a cause or a situation that needs to be in some way resolved.  That process follows these steps observation, identification, evaluation, resolution, and maintenance.

Step one, observation, is an opportunity to see or hear or feel a situation within a context the act of experiencing, entering into a different frame of reference in order to understand the inherent nature of a given system.  Step two, is the identification, of what needs to be addressed as a part of the situation once identified it is then step three.  This is taken care of in a variety of ways changing, eliminating, adding, encouraging - the options, and I stress there should be more than one, here are context dependent and must fit each unique situation.  This is why the understanding must come first.  Step four is a matter of taking the best, or barring that occasionality the most viable solution and seeing it’s implementation.  Once those steps are complete it is necessary to review the result and repeat the process if necessary.

I do not believe in follow up, I strive for follow through. It is one of the easiest things in the world to follow up, reliability only begins with follow up.  If that is where it ends then sadly, as my class has taught me ”they don’t get it.” I believe in fixing things, improving things, and occasionally creating things.  The long and short of it is that it does not really make any difference where, how, or why I am encountering a problem but what happens when I do. Follow up and follow through.

Adhering to this “process”, or the simple implementation of these ideas allows me to fill various roles.  There is a great analogy that was part of a comment left on Bob Sutton’s blog: What are the dumbest practices used by companies?  In there Pat discusses the rewarding of “firefighters” the individuals more or less on the front line who put out fires.  Furthermore the oversight by neglecting the “fire inspectors” those people who strive on a continual basis to ensure the prevention of fires.  I synthesize the two roles in to a more viable and practical approach for me.  That is of a fire safety instructor, and in that role I not only rush in to put out fires and take continual efforts to prevent fires but most importantly I instruct those whom I serve on how to avoid and prevent the fires I would normally be called upon to put out and barring that insuring they know what to do if they come across one of our fires.

A leg to stand on.

Honesty is our measure of truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness (dictionary.com/honesty) in many ways for me is the younger half-sister of integrity, now admittedly they are very much from the same school of thought, what I find important is the power that they carry when used in tandem. For many people it is an unrealistic expectation to always be honest many people lack the integrity or fortitude to carry that oft times burden; that is largely understandable but no less tragic.  The tragedy is that all too often we lie, misrepresent, or even confuse because the path is easier, less resistant.  This too is unfortunate – in many cases that resistance is what stimulates growth and development both of individuals and relationships between individuals.  The failure is simply this, ultimately the lack of honesty boils down to a much more serious, underlying, condition: a lack or respect and trust.

I have a fundamental value set of which honesty is paramount, this is not something that qualifies me for anything.  It does not make me better than the next person, it is merely an irrevocable portion of what has made me who I am.  I value honesty, not for it’s inherent value of being true and sincere, but for it’s ability to develop common, meaningful relationships.  I believe it a misrepresentation that people can be too honest, they could in all likelihood benefit from lessons in tact that however is a question more of delivery and less of merit. Honesty is; however, a courtesy of the highest order from one person to another, honesty is one of my single biggest signaling mechanisms and compliments.  Honesty is my beginning, the first step in any relationship is respect and I convey this by being honest, and in a much more subtle way it also indicates my willingness to trust in their interpretation of my message but also in the other’s reciprocation through such an act.

I mentioned in my previous blog that there are few people who hold to the idea “my word is my bond”, this is what I hope to change.  I feel that we have an inherent responsibility to be our best self.  During some of the most turbulent years of my life to date I belonged to  DeMolay, a civic and service based organization for young men between the ages of 12 and 21, my tenure there was well and truly life changing.  Fortunately for me that message is one important piece of the many lessons I learned, albeit not until years later did I really understand the importance of that lesson and even longer still before I was able to appreciate it, nonetheless honesty became one of my most valuable assets.

The moral compass is broken, we can fix that.

Integrity is the adherence to moral and ethical principles and soundness of moral character(dictionary.com/integrity) it is a fundamental, and necessary building block that is largely lacking in our world today; be it through the action of some faceless conglomeration or by any one of untold nameless individuals.  Laws to me are a strange construct, it seems that they are a testament to our lack of integrity when viewing humanity as a whole.  The interesting thing is this:  were everyone to have a moral compass and furthermore live in accordance with that same compass there would be no cause for laws.

Integrity is not just some quaint turn of phrase for the convenience of appearing moral.  Integrity is a governing drive that colors every action we take and every choice that we make.  Our culture suffers from a result fixation that reinforces that the ends and outcomes can  in some way justify the means used to obtain those results.  After reading some salient point’s about ethics and corporations in Eldar’s Blog, it reaffirmed some of my own observances.  It is unfortunate that by and large our society has not only ignored the underlying implications of this resul- based fixation, but until fairly recently has actively encouraged such behavior.

I consider myself fortunate in that I was instilled with a sense of this rightness from an early age.  It has allowed me the opportunity to understand why morality is so often left by the wayside.  In the most simple sense it is a direct result of our continued preference for the more.  What I mean here is simply this: the mindset is that more is better; be it status, money, power, etc.  The more one has of any of it the better off they will be, but herein lies the rub.  Everything has a cost, and the quality (or lack there of) of our choices and actions will ultimately determine what that cost will be.  It is important to note that I am hopeful, because we as a society recognize this lack, because a problem identified is infinitely more solveable than a problem denied.  It is with this in mind that I am also thankful that we have the opportunity to be different, and we are not waiting to hear the rules – we are making our own.

A Place to Start

I am beginning this new year not with resolutions, but with continued committment to developing, growing, and achieving.  As part of this much more elaborate schema is my next in a series of steps that will culminate in my graduation from the University of Nevada, Reno with a degree in Business Management.  The most immediate step is part of why I am finding myself blogging, something that under normal circumstances I would consider a dubious prospect at best; that step is called Entrepreneurial Psychology a course in Personal Branding taught by Bret Simmons.  For me this class began as a means to reach the next milestone in my academic career: graduation.  In less than the span of a week I was overwhelmed by the enormity and value that can be derived from this course.  Admittedly, I was leery of a course that, based upon my own misconception, was akin to “selling” oneself an idea that seemed too commercial for me to stomach.

With a renewed outlook on Personal Branding, I have been tasked to self analyze, determine what I believe my value is, and showcase that value to the world.  This was more than a little daunting, at first.  A week ago I could not have told you what my value was, but in these last few days this course has forced me to take a hard look at what I am looking to derive from life and subsequently what I am willing to contribute in order to achieve that outcome.  For me that boils down to a single governing constraint.  The two most important roles I ever see myself attaining are husband and father, that being said, the constraint is simply this: looking back on my life when I become a husband and eventually a father were the choices I made, were the actions I took something that I am proud of and willing to encourage in my wife and children?

To live up to that standard, there are five central tenets of my value: Honesty, Integrity, Reliability, Responsibility and Trust. These five are by no means exhaustive but they are the foundation that promotes the environment in which I can become who I need to be.  This blog and course are the first opportunity to develop my value and begin, in earnest, walking the proverbial walk.